"ut" 16x20 acrylic on canvas by me

cardboard

"hungry 4 vag" 16in x 20in acrylic on canvas 2002??
i miss painting on cardboard...

so. ceeeeee!

the fist shot

not just for sake anymore


i finished my bottle...mmmmmmm soco...

no thank you

i didn't want to wear shoes or clothes today... unfortunatly i did. today has been a very long day.

why i ended up with ubu on friday night.

so i was running late friday night. i had spoken to rae earlier in the evening. she has found a place. i was very excited for her. i was going to go up to LA to visit my boyz. (well i double booked myself so that didn't ended up manifesting.) i agreed to drop off her stuff at her new place at like 7:45 pm. i wrote down the address and went home. martha called me. she wanted someone to hang out with so i agreed to tea and food. i get home and the elevator isn't stopping at my floor. i took the stairs to my floor. i get out of my monkey clothes and i was off. well i get to the streets i need and i reach for the address. GUESS WHAT? i left it at the office. so i give her roommate a call. she didn't pick up. i didn't bother leaving a message. i decided i wasn't in the mood to drive around meade and florida looking for rae's place and head over to martha's. well about a half hour later rae calls me. i told her what happened and she poked fun at me. she gave me the address. there was nothing i could write on near me so i repeated it in my head and out loud several times. martha gets off her phone and we were off to drop off rae's stuff. well i turned on to the wrong street. it took me a second to realize it because martha was yapping the whole time. i couldn't remember the address number again! i can't remember if i called rae or if she called me but i was asking her what the street # was and she thought she saw us. meanwhile matha was yapping and trying to take control of the situation?? a lot of confusion happened and martha starts yelling at me not to move the car and she takes my phone from me and starts to talk to kendra. SHE FUCKING PISSED ME OFF! i was a hell child at that point. all of a sudden my inner bitch came out and wanted to smack martha so bad while yelling "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRTONG WITH YOU?". we find them and drop off rae's stuff. then we were on our way to drop off some paper work for martha's client. the topic of food came up. YEAH RIGHT! i had lost my appetite i was so angry. the she fucking does it again she tried to direct me while i was driving....arg! so i follow her motion and it was the wrong way...yea mad! she's trying to make small talk with me but my fire is lit and me pissed off not good. i wanted to throw her out of my car!

bye manny

2 feet by 1 foot by me acrylic (it's was still a little wet when i gave it to manny)
i felt super butch yesterday. i cut the wood for the canvas back. i put it together and stretched the canvas on it. after all that i painted this on it. yea i love power tools....
my hair looked so good last night when i left to have dinner with my old check 'n blow co-workers. dinner took forever. manny was late to his own going away party. i heard a bunch of the rumors flying around about me at the dinner. my screwdriver sucked! i was glad to get the hell out of there. nuff said!
before we went out. what happened to my hair? it went flat! well i took manny to the eagle. had a drink and watched a couple men get flogged. stopped by shooterz had a drink and played some pool. manny won but he wouldn't dare raze me about it. i'll kick his ass. we were going to go to burban st after that but i remembered that my beloved ubu was actually out. so i called him. he was at fashion whore. so i trotted our asses off to fashion whore. i shook my ass all fucking night. so much fun. i saw so many people i know last night it was like a blast from my past. i felt 22 HA! i'll post images from fashion whore later...

i miss my french bitch...i need to go to france... hummmmmmm!

friday night!

nothin beats drinkin at home with your bestfriend... I WANT TO BE IN LA! i want to see my boyzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! *drink spill*

i like hands

i have an obsession with hands. most people look at someone's face and assets when looking for a mate. not me. my eyes go straight for her shoes then for her hands after that's all done i'll check out her hair. shoes say a lot about a person. there hands tell me what kind of job they do. the hair...well no mullets ewww mullet! i can't see myself dating someone with a mullet. if i did she'd better be magical or something. i prefer small hands. i can shove them in my mouth... i like to memorize my partners hands. hands hair and shoes say a lot about someone. you can peg the tops from the bottoms by looking at their hands. look for a sensible girl by her shoes. tell how much someone cares about themselves by looking at her hair. i think this may go both genders but don't hold it against me.

Strap

a self portrait

the burn...

as requested my hair and burn...
my hair
my boo boo
i wrote all over my chest last night

somedays...

somedays i wish i were a pair of panties...

monday

bleach
the fish
miss drella jones at dinner
hey look it's rae
our free...ummm sticky something!martha's phantom hand
the roses

Little things that I've forgotten to mention...

Found out what happened to miss Rae. She was in the clinker for 8 days...It was funny. All of her charges were dropped. She was released on valentines day. She made it a nice one.

Rae's been stayin with me... Not to sure how I feel about it, but I feel if it's a long stay I'll be looking for a new playmate soon. It's kind of like "oh we have ice cream at home...But the one here at the store looks so much yummier!"

Burned my right forearm while making french toast Sunday or Monday I can't remember. It's real pretty. It's about three to four inches long going down my arm. Nice and red too.

Went to a tea cottage in Julian. It was the best. The girl who served us called me miss. lula belle. I giggled. Rae and I brought home some Julian apple pie and lots of tea. The drive up there was cold. Sorry no pics I didn't take the camera.

Chocolate tea isn't bad.

A chunk of my right tit went missing.

Thought I felt some jealousy at the beer bust.

Had dinner with Martha after her sailing trip. Yea...She was RED!

Finally did my roots back to tuxedo hair!

I bought a red and black laundry basket for 8 bucks... What a bargain!

I think that's all...

how sick you ask?

this is what i found on one of the pillows this morning... not sure if it was rea or me, but it's gross!

now enjoy some of my work from the last few sick days...
"meshed v" acrylic on 11x16
"AzureDivina" acrylic and sewing thread on 5x7

head ache

i woke up this morning to a panic attack. the seconded one this week. it may have been brought on by the drinking... last night is such a haze... wet t-shirt contest and lots of booze... pool...pool... pool. im just glad to have my ubu around he sang to me this morning it knocked my butt back in to place.

i saw this and thought this would so happen to me.

SICK!

i fell like crud. i threw up my dinner this morning. i woke up every hour to pee last night. i would wake up on a drooled on pillow. to make matters better. i had to wake up early to shower. they shut off the water at 8 this morning...i'm walking around in a haze. driving was difficult i had no attention span today. i just want to go home take a hot shower and drink some tea in bed.

i didn't want to post this

the following happened at 9:22 am february 13th, 2006. in the parking lot where i work. i had it as a draft.

panic attack in the car... it came out of nowhere... while driving this morning my insides just dropped. i felt empty... i started shaking... i felt so alone. i cried and cried... i couldn't stop...i started to talk to myself... i started picking at my nail polish with uncontrollable vigor. i'd close my eyes and i can't breath until i start screaming at the top of my lungs in the car... it's time for a meeting i thought. the other part of me said no we can fight this just like we always do... last night i read something that said 1 in 4 people have a mental illness... i thought well that's not me... i guess i was wrong. i haven't been feeling like a whole person lately and i don't want to make people worry. it's like i don't know who i'm waking up as in the morning...

today's theme song: i'm deranged by david bowie
Funny how secrets travel
I'd start to believe if I were to bleed
Thin skies, the man chains his hands held high
Cruise me blond
Cruise me babe
A blond belief beyond beyond beyond
No return No return

I'm deranged
Deranged my love
I'm deranged down down down
So cruise me babe cruise me baby
And the rain sets in
It's the angel-man
I'm deranged

The clutch of live and the fist of love
Over your head
Big deal Salaam
Be real deranged Salaam
Before we reel
I'm deranged

MISS.DRELLA JONES

I want to be MISS. DRELLA JONES... FOREVER! I feel like i'm going in a hundred different directions... the good employee, the fabulous daughter, the best friend, the friend, the chorgapher, the painter, the lesbian, the oddball, the vixen, the virgin, the spaz, the responsible one, the photographer, the muffin eater, the chronic masturbator, miss silly, the girly girl, the lion tamer, the computer geek, the know it all, the worry wort, the eccentric, miss smart mouth, the sensitive one, the bitch, miss dip, the chick with the moxie, the heart breaker, the honest one, miss bitter, the homosexual, kooky, rambling, smarty pants, passive, erratic, the funny one, the whore, the fighter, submissive, the romantic, the ear, the advice giver, the shrink, foe, space cadet, i could continue but i've gotten lazy...

some of the images i like for the day.

NOW THIS SAYS IT ALL!

happy mother fucking valentines day...

uh?

that's all i have to say!

ARRRRRRG!

MY NIPPLES ARE COLD AND HARD! THEY ARE SOOOOOOO PAINFUL! well at least they work now...

stupid pigeon

yesterday about 11:30am.... i was checking my email at work when i heard this loud thump sound. i look up and this fucking pigeon it's walked in to my office and was trying to fly out of the window. well the dumbass pigeon kept knocking it's self into the window. it would attempt to take flight about 4 times. until it disoriented it's self wobbling between the open door and the windows. (side note disoriented pigeons are funny...) i decided to be nice. i finished checking my emails and started for the dumbass pigeon. with outstretched arms i started for the bird speaking in the very little french i know. (why i started to talk to it in french i have no idea. well it could have been a french pigeon i don't know!) i was muttering things like "it's ok little one" and "do you want cheese". like i said i know very little french... it freaked out! it cornered it's self between the window and the crack of the open door. as i knelt down to catch the bird it would jump out of my hands. and back in to the corner trying to escape. i finally had a good grip on the stupid bird. i walked it out and tossed it in to the air. as soon as i let go it took flight and so did two others. i watched the tree fly away. then ran in to the bathroom and scrubbed my hands. DIRTY FLYING RATS! =)

oh so clean.

it feels so good to have a clean home again... we were being lazy about the cleaning. we let it all build up and i just finished cleaning the rest of the house. we always say we're not going to let it build up but then we do...
the gifts.
the streamers.
the mess.

HELLO CRACKERS!

as i promised more animal crackers
drunken sheep
elephant in the grass
elephant in travles

im rereading the hell with love...

i don't know whats wrong with me...i should be jumping off the walls but i feel lost again. maybe it was all the attention from this weekend. i feel empty. just a shell of myself. i have one of those my heart is killing me frogs in my throat. my titts are killing me... i woke up at the butt crack of dawn again. i watched the sun rise from it's slumber and had a ciggy. i think it's the articals that people leave behind that tiggered this.

1. a pair of dingy white socks
2. a coat
3. an IYU keychain
4. empty pack of camel ciggys

CRUDA MOTHER FUCKER!

my birthday weekend... the following images are in some fucked up order. so enjoy =)
joel and me
me and sofia
me and karina
me at the eagle
me and j-j-j-jimmbo ninny
frank and me
shannon and me

i love you ubu! thank you soooooooo much for my birthday cake.
my mommy and me this evening
me last night at my party
and this is me this morning after the party

thank you to everyone who showed me love this weekend you guys rock! please send me pics.
now off to enjoy some tea with my ubu =)

coke zero and apple pie

the smell of coffee is filling my ol' factory...i'm craving coffee. i'm trapped in between a starbucks and an einstein bagels... my tummy is starting to growl. i had a ciggy and a few sips of orange juice for breakfast... my office is filled with the sounds of anthony and the johnsons. i'm daydreaming about being a pair of sails on a pride ship of that wooden chick up in front of the ship...while i suck down this coke zero and pick at this apple pie.