Money gives me an apartment

i'm confused as to when my rent is being raised. ubu and i received a pair of letters taped on your door saturday morning. it contained a letter which stated that our lease needed is to be renewed or we could option to stay on month to month baisis. our rent is going up $75... ok fine let the rent go up. but uh with the first around the corner...uh umm this month? aren't they supposed to give you a 30 day notice not a 3 day notice? i'm so confused.

suport your local homo...

oh dear lordy my right clav is killing me... i had a very long esxsausting weekend, i had the best time. i'm sitting in front of my computer at work right now and my customers are asking me if i'm sick. i must look like crap. i didn't get much rest this weekend. three hours friday night five hours saturday and six hours sunday night. i'm beat. i could only imagin what my honeybucket is feeling like at this moment.

friday night: honeybucket made an effort to intergrate me into her friends. i haven't been well recieved by her twin sister. apparently she hates me. she makes no quams about it. her friends on the other hand have made themselves pleasent in my precance. especially miss nicolette. she has such a bright personallity wich is wonderfully accompanied by her glowing smile.

saturday: i gay'd it up at pride. manny and julie came down from there neck of the woods. manny drank 1/2 a bottle of parrt bay and barely got buzzed. i drank 1/2 a bottle of nilla vodka and was nice and toasty for the afternoon. we came home and i played bartender. i made angel martinis. chocolate martinis, sluge, mint martinis, melon balls, and some other stuff. i got julie manny and my honey bucket very drunk. we stayd up late into the night manny and my honey bucket bonded over similar familial issues and i'm glad they could share with eachother.

sunday: i made breakfast. blueberry waffles and chocolate chip waffles. yea miss jones can cook when she wants to. it took us most of the day to get ready to leave my house. we went to old town looked around did a little shopping and ate way to much mexican food. manny and julie left when we came back home. honey bucket and i recapped the weekend in my bed by laughing our heads off over the silly things we to. it seems like we can talk for hours yet i can't pin point what exactly we talked about. it's like a hodgepodge with us.

OH HELL NO!

I've had one hell of a morning... Get to my office on time. Which is a miracle for me. As soon as I stick my key in the door the u off the push sign falls off... Not a big deal. I turn off my alarm turn on the computers and I'm off for my morning errands. I dislike the parking area in front of my office, it's very small in a high traffic area. People barrel through with no care. I've seen so many near misses of people and cars. at least twice a day I can hear the screeching halt of a vehicle and countless honks. I was coming back from my errands I pull into the parking lot and some guy in a small truck cuts in front of me and the guy in front of me. Almost hitting me. I giving him the are you serious you almost hit me look and he flips me off... OH HELL NO! Was my first reaction then I thought about how it was Friday and how it's going to be an awesome weekend because honey bucket manny and julie are all coming to visit for pride. So I brushed it off. I park and realize I have enough time to grab a muffin before I need to back in the office. So off I went to the market. I'm in line waiting to pay for my muffin and I'm blankly staring at the exit door, when who should appear????? Yes you guessed it mr. Flip off... I guess he hates everything today because he walked face first into the door. I start laughing my head off because he just made himself look like an idiot in front of the whole market. With a huge grin on my face I pay for my muffin and I'm off. So I mousy on over to my office...Then I SET OFF THE ALARM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh yea panic mode... I call the alarm company and tell them it was me who set it off and not to send the cops, this is the second time the alarm has gone off this month. I'm speaking with the operator and she asked for the 6 digit verbal code... Now I'm puzzled and I pause and give her a bunch of words I think it might be... No luck. After the 4th time she tells me that if I didn't have the right verbal code she was going to have to continue with her procedures... So I grabbed my cell phone and called my boss after explaining my perdicerment she stared laughing her head off. Well I had a fun morning. I guess the gnomes and the humidity are getting to me...

Congratulations kid...

Not only does my boss think I'm the kookiest of her employees but I had the best score out of all the audits she performed. I guess she looked past the loaning to drug traffickers...Woohoo for me!

almost there...

i'm almost a notary. filpin a! it's taken almost three months. i received my bond today and saturday i'll be geting up early heading over to the county clerks office and taking my oath and filing my bond. yea for saturday. and yea for work who will be paying me to get up early...

what's the OFAC?

I WAS JUST EDUCATED BY MY BOSS AND IT WAS A GOOD THING. apparently one of my new customers is a known drug trafficker from Colombia.... so being the curious monkey and with her encouragement, i check out the number on his ofac portion of his teletrack report. it took me about 15min to go through a slew of name and recent add ons on the us treasury site.... but this is what i found



[04/24/2001]The following variations on the names of new individuals and entities have been added to OFAC's listing of Specially Designated Narcotics Traffickers:

Principal individual -
HERNANDEZ, Oscar, Mz. 21 Casa 5 Barrio San Fernando, Pereira, Colombia; c/o TAURA S.A., Cali, Colombia; Cedula No. 6157940 (Colombia) (individual) [SDNT]


lesson learned; always read new customer reports before you loan out to them....

rubbish, just rubbish!

i had a rough day saturday. my mom threw out all of the painting i stored at her house. three years gone... we ended up going to the sandcastle competition after dark. we didn't see any sandcastels. turns out she really is deathly afraid of fireworks. i was dying for a ciggy by the end of the evening. sunday we saw pirates of the caribbean. geeze that's a good movie. we met ubu and die die for dinner at a crab shack after the movie. i passed out on the couch with a maddox book in front of me. who falls asleep while reading a passage about boobs???? me, that's who!

Blank canvas

last night I wanted to work, I wanted to get dirty with my paint. I spent the better part of 2 hours messaging my honey bucket back and forth... I let my self go to sit in front a blank canvas with pencil in hand. NOTHING!!!!!!!!!! Not a line, not a smug, my pencil didn't touch the canvas once last night. grrrrrrrr so incredibly frustrating. I haven't heard an S.O.S coming from with in me in what feels like a time long ago, lost. I'm almost tempted to put away my easel way, hide my brushes and drink my paint.

baaaaaa baaaaaa!

lonely sheep

uh ok...

ubu likes his oats thick and rough... oh yeaaaaaa!
honey bucket makes fun of my andy warhol bag. she refers to it at my luggage bag. she decided to make me a personalized one for me to tote around. she so has a math brain... it kind of looks like someone jizzed sparkles all over it. i love it.

poo, poop, caca, shit, ewww...

I HAVE TO TAKE A SHIT REALLY BAD... but i don't want to use the bathroom... i wonder how long i can keep myself from going?????? i wonder if i'll get an ass infection? is there an equivalent to a u.t.i. for your anus????? ..

gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay... HOOOOOOOOOOOOMO!

certification of vital record

i had to pick up a birth certificate this afternoon. this is the third time i've had to get one. the last two have been consumed by the land of the lost. they float some where between there and here. i was surprised how quick and easy it was to buy it. i don't even think the woman who assisted me actually looked at my id card to verify it was me who was purchasing it. i was in and out in less then 10 minutes. i've been putting it off because last time i had to go do something like this was about 2 years ago. i had to get a new social security card. i was there for three hours and i swear they only help 5 people during that time i sat there. one window opened and closed three or more times. it would open for one person then they would close it wait a while then reopen. after that day i hated going into government and city buildings... but today was a breeze. i guess now i can stop putting off my passport renewal.

yea the wedding...

holy shit she's coming down in a what... that's PIMP!
congratulations to tim and danielle
wooo hooo
doesn't my ubu look dapper...
this proves you can't take me any where. i molest brides.
awww christa and misty
darn it these kids were cute shae was using her flower basket as a hat in the middle of the ceremony. jaime looked like a little man up there with the guys
who's pimp now???? they let misty and i go for a ride around the parking lot. at least they don't smell as bad as giraffes

she's right

"There are some things, a girl cannot part with."


this little envelope sits inside a photo album her mother gave me. it gathers dust on top of my book shelf. i have no clue to the contents inside, but i know i'll start to tear up when i read it two years from now... i threw out all of the letter i collected from our time together. what a great mistake that was...there was such rawness to that time i spent with her. i'd love to pick threw that pile i tossed out today, i'm sure i'd have a flood of memories. i don't know what happened in the end. i do know i loved her with everything i had. i didn't belive in love after that...i mean i don't belive in that fairy tale type of love. i do beleave in whatever that was we shared together. she a fantastic crative being who time and time again thought me to look for the unexpected. we don't mistakes we just make choices.
oh my goodness in two years i will know this woman for an entire decade. LOL!

shouldn't making origami vaginas make you smile?

i'm still not comfortable with my hair. these are the first pictures i've taken of me with my hair down... actually this is the first time my hair has been down since that bitch fucked it up. i still want to cry. it was down for only down for 5 minutes...
oh look i've made another origami vag... ho humm
well the glasses make me feel better... i bought them 5 years ago at the $1 store... they make me feel 86 years young.
so rea stopped by with her friend sarah. rae had fun with my arm. i love it when inebriated friends decide they want to connect my dots. that girl is such a bowl of cherries... i need to catch up with her more.


ubu bought me pronogami book about 3 years ago for the holiday. one day i sat down and said "by gum i'm gonna figure out how to make one of these vaginas if it's the last thing i do! " it took me 2 days to get this right. i use them as a pick up trick at the bar. i keep squares of paper in my wallet, so if i fancy a young lady i strike up a conversation and then slip them a vagina with my name and number on it before we part ways. sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. but they never forget the girl who gave them a paper vagina.
click images to enlarge






i just removed my last sheet of paper from my wallet. i have my honey bucket. i don't need to pick up chicks, i'm sticking to the one who chipped my tooth...

My goodness! How much for a sharpener?

FUCKING A! I'm preparing the office supply order for next week. I decided we needed a pencil sharpener. I was shocked to see that staples no cheap sharpeners. I wanted a cheap little $1 sharpener. uh no, they seem to have bells and whistles all over them. 50 bucks for a sharpener your nuts. I'll just dig for one at home...

Fishy Love

i feel like i'm in a state of tourism in my own head...

i have moments where i have nothing in me, moments where the world is just peachy keen...
somedays i seriously think i'm manic or at least bipolar. i'm to afraid to go to a shrink to get an evaluation. i'd hate to have a hand stamp that read CRAZY on me for the world to see.


i'm just experiencing creative drought....

boobs and dinos

we've had a sidewalk sale the last few days at work. i noticed a trend friday...lots of men. i think it was the girls and their boobs that had them coming over to our office.
ms jones at work . i look so different to myself at work. no make up no face metal... uh it pays the bills.

now i know what works to drive business girls in tank tops and free stuff like frisbees.
oh and more boobs
after work i picked up coconuts and the kid. we went to the natural history museum to check out the animatronic dinosaurs. i wasn't sure how the kid was going to react to them. well he's much braver then i was. when i was about 5 my parents took us to see the dinosaurs at the museum as well... i remember crying because i was terrified of them my father assured me that they were fake. but deep down inside i knew at night they would come to life and come get me....
look me and salmonella
DRELLA JONES DESTROYER OF FOAM DEER!
the floor at the spanish village...

fireworks...

so it was the fouth of july recently... i stuck to my plan. i slept all day. i did absolty nothing. i watched the t.v. ate junk food and slept. now that's what i call a day of rest. ubu did get me out of the house. at about 6ish he knocked on my door asked me if i wanted to go grab a bite to eat with him. we ended up at coco's had tortilla soup and a salad. yea, good times.

the night before was a diffrent story. one of my cutomers gave me free tickets to the del mar fair. after finding out there was a three hour wait at the border and my honey bucket not being able to make it before i had to pick up ubu at the airport we didn't go. i settled for drinks at cheers with sadie. when we arrived at cheers i had a welcoming surprise jackie and sean where there. they introduced us to their neighbor (ryan) and his friend (miles). before we knew it it was time to pick up ubu from the airport.

on the way to the airport sadie starts doing the peepee dance in her seat. so we look for a restroom. i stoped at a gas station near the airport. she jumps out and runs to the restroom. she needs a key so she turns the corner and disapears. guess what a crackhead was looking at me like i was something delicious err something. i calmly roll up my window then i see sadie turn the corner keyless. she yells "THEY'RE CLEANING THE BATHROOM AHHHHHH I HAVE TO PEE!" then i see this big black man with a bucket and a mop check out the crackhead and she turns around and flashes us her frilly thong. i look and sadie and tell her to get in the car we were late for the airport. off we went.

to my surpirse logan was with my ubu at the airport. i must have missed something in a conversation about logan joining my ubu in new york. off we were again after having to go around the termanial an extra time. by this time sadie is doing the peepee dance hard core in her seat. she's making little noises when ever we hit a bump. evryone is looking for a toilet for her to empty her bladder. no luck. i turn to her and said "we'll go to 6 degrees it's on the way to the freeway" she just shakes her head in agreeance. we arrive at 6 degrees... ummm guess what? it was closed. it must have been because of the hoiliday. someone in the car said something about "just pee in the street" so she heads over to the dumpster and releves herself.

LESSON LEARNED: always have napkins around just in case...

ummm excuse me miss my foods still kicking...

As some of you know I have this big fear of raw meats especially poultry... I’m petrified right now...

I've had some horrible experiences with food this week. Last night top it all. Honey bucket came over had a talk. By the end of the conversation i was hungry and her tummy agreed. I hadn't had much of an appetite because of what had happened Friday night. So when all was said and done, I wanted a chicken pot pie from Marie Calendars but they weren't open we went over to Coco's but they were closed as well. We ended up at Denny's. We took forever to order our meals I was busy listening to her and she was busy talking. We finally order our food, we both ordered chicken sandwiches hers was BBQ and mine was spicy buffalo... When our food arrives we ask for ketchup and mustard. In the mean time I slice my sandwich in half spread some ranch on the bun and take two bites. The first bite was all bun and lettuce. The second bite didn't taste right...I chew and swallow it. I stop and look at it... Well it was still bleeding and so raw in the center YEEEEA FOR SALMONELLA! I showed my discovery to honey bucket. She gave me the funniest look and I stopped eating it. I opted for my seasoned fries. About 10 or so minutes go by and our waitress hasn't brought the ketchup nor had she come by to see how our meal was. Honey bucket is encouraging me to eat her meal. Chicken at that point wasn't very appetizing to me so I humbled her and took a bite of her sandwich. About another 5 minutes go by and she finally comes by to see how we're doing she's condimentless by the way. I tell her about my food she looks shocked and immediately takes my plate way. About two minutes later the manager and our waitress arrive at our table. He said that they were going to slice the meat open because it looked cooked and they're meat is prepared and sent to them. So basically they have prepackaged chicken. I let him know that the chicken was raw in the center and I saw blood. At that point I said all I wanted was fries and a piece of pie. He said sure and that our waitress would take of it. He turned to her and said "take care of them." I asked for a slice of carrot cake and she refills my coke and asked honey bucket if she wants more water. Well I got my carrot cake... My fries never arrive, honey bucket never got her water and the condiments never arrived. So last night I had for dinner 2 bites of salmonella spicy chicken, carrot cake, a bite of BBQ chicken sandwich and a few seasoned fries. The service was awful and I left hungry... Oh and I still paid for honey buckets meal and our drinks. Next time I wait for chicken pot pie. the Denny's that tried to kill me. now I have to be on the lookout for any signs of salmonella poisoning for the next few days. UGH WHY ME! By the way the old couple behind us had excillent service form thier waiter. That young man check on them four times through there meal. JUST ANOTHER REASON WHY I WANT TO BE 86...

is he gay? no, he's just canadian.

YEA BITCHES I'M GOING TO CANANDA!!!... to celibatre this mans birth.
dr. furious aka jon

the rumor was that he was going back to his motherland to celebrate his birth. i was sad because i'm broke and probably wouldn't be able to afford the fight ticket to canada. so ubu and i dreamed up this plan for a road trip. we where going to fly to new york rent a car and drive our asses to canada. along the way stop at niagara falls err something. this morning i returned my ubu's call and he said something about gimmie your sock size. then i asked him how his trip was going. then he mentioned dr. furious. apparently a few other people had the same idea we had. the plans is to all meet up in new york and a caravan of us will be driving into canada. sweeeeeeeet! now i have to get a passport err something and save my pennies. hello rice and beans.
holly monkey snot we're going at the end of the month or the beginning of august. the good thing my office did well this month which means i'm actually getting a nice bonus. not that taxes aren't going to kill it or i'll get it in time.

for the love of...STOP RINGING!

the telephone conversation i had with coconuts this a few minutes ago. she woke my ass up i thought i had left my telephone alarm on. i was about to turn it off when i realized it was her calling and not the alarm. i sent a few people straight to voicemail this morning thinking it was my alarm going off. ummm yea sorry.

me "good morning...uhhhh i feel like shit nuts! why is everyone in my wold want to talk to me this morning..."
her "i don't know sweetie? we just love our drella"
me "stop calling me!!!!! uhh myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy head..."
her "soooooo how much did you drink last night? cuz you sound bad?"
me "i came home and finished the bottle of nilla vodka and finished the rest of the regular vodka. i had a couple of shots of jager to finish off my night"
her laughs and says "oh my! well me and the kid wanted to know if you would join us at the del mar fair?"
me "oooo the fair sounds nice....uh on second thought i don't think my tummy wouldn't be able to handle it. thanks for the invite tho."
her "kay my dear get back to bed"
me "night night nuts have fun and don't drink and drive."
her "suuuuuuure... hey well make plans for the fourth"
me "yea sure uhhhh my head! k bye!"
her "byyyyye missssssss jones"
TAAAAAAAAAAAAAA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAATHE END

GAWD I LOVE MY NUTS! SHE'S SEEN ME WEARING MY SUNGLASSES IN OUR LITTLE HOUSE LONG AGO GOING "GAWD WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE MORNING?" HER REPLY "DRELLA! IT'S TWO O'CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON!" then we'd both laugh and i'd ask for the aspirin

soothing sounds

i want to hear the sound of the rain splattering against my bedroom window RIGHT NOW. oh and more nilla vodka to cure my ills and woes. i guess etta james and a bottle of jager will do.

moi offend?

today i did the usual go to work and rush over to coconuts for a fun filled afternoon with her and the kid. we're both running on a low budget these days, so we came back to my place and spent the afternoon in the pool. we purchased some floaties for baby hercules. we all jumped right in. the cool water was a welcome relief from the warm weather. i love watching coconuts and the kid interact. she's such a good mom. the kid smacked me a round a couple of times after he took some bad steps and lost his balance in the water i would rush over and catch him before he'd fall in. i guess he though i was the cause of him falling in and he would start screaming at me in angry baby babble and take a swing at me. it was amusing. i made them dinner. i can cook a mean hot dog when i want to. coconuts and i made a new drink up. it's blueberry jones soda and vanilla vodka. it so smooth going down. if you didn't know there was booze in it you'd be fucked. oo ooo i taught baby hercules a new word today... it's so cute hearing him say mofo mofo in his little man voice. coconut's is very pleased with me teaching her son curse words.

late this evening robin called me up wanting to know if i wanted to accompany her to fashion whore. i said sure and checked what theme was going on tonight. well no fashion whore it's next weekend. so we opted to meet at beauty bar at 11:30. i ended up meeting her at beauty bar at like 12:30. i shook my ass most of the evening and had a blast. the dj was spinning all kinds of stuff but the talking head made me especially happy this evening. oh and the old skool michael jackson which was a welcoming distraction from fridays disaster.


i pissed off honey bucket on friday. she came over for dinner before she meet her friends. well we had dinner at thai time and there was napkin bits in our dinner. they comped that portion of our food. she was craving something sweet. we ended up at marie calendars. well the conversation there led to what a are we. because of what she tells her sister i said beneficiary friends. well she didn't like that and was pissed off the rest of the evening. we went to the market so she could pick up some booze. she was pretty much silent the whole time. when we got back to my house she fled to her car and got in i stood there watching her... i yelled out "what i don't even get a bye?" she yelled back from the inside of her car "bye janelle" and speed off. i could her the anger in her voice. nothing was discussed passed my tidbit. i didn't even get i chance to really discuss what i really wanted to say. to make a long story short basically i drunk dialed three times from her. the first one was her say she wasn't a friends with benefits kind of girl. before i could put my two cents in she hung up on me. the second was a message saying "we're through". the tired was my half awake ass trying to understand and wanting to talk. all i got was that she either was in an accident or almost got in one, then she hung up on me again.

tonight whats' running through my head is BEATRIX BY COCTEAU TWINS. over and over again... such beautiful voices... i would sit on the porch with the ipod listening to it over and over smoking ciggys in the wonderfully warm night but it's dead... i want to paint ciggys...