pee pee pee pee pee...

There's nothing unusual about pee. Everyone has to pee every once in a while. To day I’ve had a few pee capers. My pirate transients came in a few minutes after I opened the door to the office wanting to use the bathroom. I wanted to say "ARRRRRRRRR YOU CRRRRAZY?” instead I told him that the bagel place next door has a public restroom. A couple of hours later one of my customers shows up starts her transaction and her kid needed to pee. Normally I would have said no but I know they have no car and had probably been walking around all morning. So my cold cold heart said sure your kid can use my restroom. My customer and I are talking about life in general when I here a little squeal come from the back room. I look at her puzzled and she said 'oh don't worry he's just singing.” my thoughts: WHO SINGS WHILE THEY PEE? The kid appears from his little concert in the bathroom and they were off. About an hour later woman comes in with her three daughters. All under the age of 10. The youngest one 1 1/2 maybe 2. She’s cute and running a muck the office. The middle daughter in pink was talking about shacks, rocks and dolphins?????? Yea, I didn't get it. The oldest was trying to keep the little one under control while mom filled out the application. I was fine with all the noise until the little one pissed her self. She was wearing a diaper but her pants runith over and over and over and over. She sat on the floor she sat on my chairs. Now all I can think about is baby piss is all over my office...

time...

too much time to be wasted. not enough to catch up.

sushi sushi sushi and tori

this weekend i had planned to have a group of us to gather and at mass amounts of sushi. well i didn't call anyone to remind them so it was just four of us.
my homos
while my homos were talking i was busy sucking on a peppermint candy. i placed it in between my front teeth and sucked in. it flew straight back into my throat. i started to cough and the candy flew straight out and on to the floor. i laughed and ubu had the most disgusted look to his face. i guess i he won't save me from my own stupidity anymore.
i hate and loved these glasses
we went to the market to shop for booze.
we came home and made cocktails
we made a drunk snack
drank some more
and then i lost my clothes... at UNO. actually i think i won.

who bounces a check to pizza hut?

work this week was fun. i notarized lots of stuff.

i evaluated someone's lackluster performance and i think i almost made her cry. i haven't done that in a very long time. today i received an envelope from my bank at the office. nothing unusual except among the other checks i found a check i didn't deposit. it was a retuned check for pizza hut. i laughed... who writes a bad check to pizza hut? i guess Bxxxx J. Gxxxxxxxx does.

i drove to my mommas house to pick up my mail at 11pm yesterday. i felt like i was a teenager sneaking in late from a date err something.

gummy gummy

bears! chew chew chew...

i had to recover after this night

i slept all day sunday. well after ubu and i had to macgiver the key to me sunday
happy birthday lindsay
they sang to her
rafa and i were very drunk. i was trying not to look drunk.
while they all watched them perform
you know you want to be in this sexy sandwich. just look at melanie smile.
oh oh and alexx stopped by. she was the designated driver until we got her drunk. then i crushed one of those blue cups with the wight of my hand and decided it was time for me to stop drinking. i drove die die alexx and myself to die's at almost 5am in alexx's bucket. buckets flippin rock hardcore!
die die jumped in fully clothed. i managed to convince her to give me her cell, wallet and gum before she jumped in.
1/2 naked gay boys. this how you can tell i was drunk. picture out of focus and it's of 1/2 naked men...
someone grabbed the camera and said "GROUP PICTURE!!!!!YEAHHHHHHH!!!"
NO BITCH YOUR DRUNK!!!! actually i can't remember what the hell they were talking about?

we had said our good byes and kim was walking us out when i noticed a bra!!!!!! someone forgot their bra... poor titties flopping around with no support...

drunk memories are fun

i drank way to much saturday. i was celebrating lindsay birthday. i crushed a plastic cup with the weight of my hand. i cut myself off shortly there after. i didn't take many pictures but as soon as i sit down i'll post those along with the one from my little cabin adventure.

i just wanted some images of "HOT SHOES"

AND THIS IS WHAT I GOT...dirty dirty

aww cute!

and then i thought about the ladies at NYEL.

throw on clothes and smoke my morning away

last night i dreamt about something to do with a hand gun. maybe i shouldn't watch crime tv before i go to bed. i like watching TLC in the morning. something about people organizing and cleaning up makes my day. i woke up feeling like i was going to have a panic attack. i wasn't sure if it was my day off or not. i couldn't call anyone because i left my phone at the office... it's kind of nice knowing that someone isn't going to call you with a work related problem between 6am and 7am...
all i could think about was the yummy drink my ubu made me after julie felt last night. 1 part nilla vodka 1part raspberry vodka 2parts club soda and a twist of lime....
i needed a ciggy
when i look in to the ashtray, i see my friends and the weekends they come and visit.
stupid sun!
ahhh seriously. the over cast needs to be heavier
i need to visit people...
mmmm i think i need new sunglasses...
oooo pretty shadows. i'm always catching reflections that people don't see.
ICK! ewww i think i'm done with this now...
i seriously need to empty this thing out.
oh maybe just more drag.

oh that's what i look like.

that's what i thought when i walked past the mirror this evening. i've decided i'm fat and i'm going to smoke a lot of crack to lose the weight. oh what? i'm broke? looks like i'm going to starve. thats going to be a lot cheaper then crack.

first and last

so this is the first thing we did in canada. we went in to a porn store. it was called the condom shack. i reminded me of being 19 and working at condoms plus. i miss having fun jobs... i dislike having to look appropriate every day. by appropriate i mean wearing a bra.
and of coarse i had to take a picture of the bathroom . this was the last image i took it's from a bar call the tikki place. i think? i was served by a bartender who looked like she was popped in the face by her boyfriend the night before. she was missing one of her teeth and she had a busted lip. if i made eye contact with her she would look away immediately. oh and her drinks sucked!

i finally notarized something.

i've been itching to use my notary stamp and seal. i just notarized my first document. i have this unexplainable grin on my mug. i feel good!!!!!!!! OOOOOO THAT WAS FUN. I CAN'T WAIT TO DO IT AGAIN!

AN NYC DREAM:

I'M GOING FOR A WALK IN CENTRAL PARK WITH A MASTIFF WHEN WATER RUSHES PAST MY FACE. I LOOK UP TO SEE WHERE IT'S COMING FROM THERE IS THIS ORANGE LITTLE MAN RIDING A CLOUD LIKE A GO-KART CROSSING THE SKY...WE MAKE EYE CONTACT I SMILE AND THEN A UNICORN COMES OUT OF NOWHERE AND SHANKS HIM WITH IT'S HORN... I CONTINUE WITH MY WALK WITH THIS MASSIVE LUMBERING MASTIFF AS IF NOTHING HAD HAPPENED.



it's funny what your mind thinks of when you sleep.

toranto

i like trains

naked train ride anyone?

it's honey buckets birthday today. i've planned a little getaway involving trains, forest, pirates, indians, cars, and lots of naked time. i'm tired i was awaken by a call from the alarm company at 6:45am. we don't know what's causing the front sensor in my office to go off. in my personal opinion it's a flippin gnome.

eww did I do that?

I'm not sure what that was? I think I either squirted or peed while climaxing last night?????? Well at least the wet spot dried up before I passed out...

ms.jones Can cook!

I've been hiding from my online community. I've been really busy at work. Monday and Tuesday I was in the office til 8:30 pm. There was that much I missed while I was in Canada. Wednesday I went shopping for my honey bucket's birthday. Yesterday I actually stopped to smell the roses. I left the office at 2pm went home made spaghetti watched the pretty things, spooned on the couch with miss honey bucket while ubu made chocolate dipped pretzels. I had a fantastic afternoon yesterday.

Some where downtown Toronto

Canada: it's clean over all the people are nice and the water that comes from the faucet it really really cold. It reminded me of a flat San Francisco...

When did I turn into a prude?

Yesterday I was busy trying to figure out how to work the new copier/fax machine, when I received a call. It looked at the caller id it was a privet caller, I thought it was my bosses office calling me. I answered the phone and before I could finish saying my sheplel I was interupted by a whisper
him "will you choke me?"
me "huh?"
him "can you choke me?
me "uh...no!"
him "please can you choke me, please"
me "excuse me sir are you a customer here?"
him "no, I want you to choke me strangle me!"
me "sorry sir, I don't get paid to do that. are you interested in a payday loan? do you have questions about payday loans?"
him "no I just want you to choke me!"
me "sorry, I can't help you. all we do here are payday loans. you write us a personal check and we hold it until your next pay day. on your payday you pick up your check with cash in the office."
him "but I want you to choke me."
me "sorry we don't do that here."
him "STRANGLE ME!"
me "sorry sir have a good day bye"
him "CHOKE ME..STRANG...."
then I hung up on him. I then again picked up the copier/fax manule and started to read. about a minute later the phone rang again. it was a privet caller again. now i'm pissed because i'm not sure if it's my boss or the strangle me guy. I let out a big sigh and pick up the receiver and start with my shepeel. guess what I heard at the other end?HIM!!! "CHOKE ME STRANGLE ME!!!!!!!!!!" I said no and hung up on him. then I called my bosses office and told her what had happened. she jokingly told me it was because I sound so damned sexy on the phone. she told me to log all the days and excat time the strangle me guy calls. apparently this happend to her several years ago and the phone company tracked him down this way. so yesterday I started a pervert log...

you killed us!

i noticed an orange spot by my bedroom door this morning. it looks like the fish had a fight last night. susie's tail is missing and 1/2 of goldie's face was riped off.
whatever happened last night seemed to have brought them closer... when i told my honey bucket about the cndition of the fish she yelled into the phone "YOU KILLED US!"

selenas birthday, pirde and oldtown

blueberries every where...

i make her breakfast when she spends the weekend. apparently she doesn't care for blueberries much. she didn't speak up at first so i've feed her blueberry pancakes and waffles the last three weeks. fortunately for her that wasn't the only thing i fed her. we laughed our heads off when she told me about the blueberries.